I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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