hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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