Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i was born a porn star she said
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize