my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
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Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
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And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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