She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
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Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
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On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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