I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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