mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You can't just leave with hair like that
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize