dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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