My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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