I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
jump out the window naked night went bad
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize