I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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