i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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