I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize