I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
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It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
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I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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