were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
