Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize