Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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