Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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