But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
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Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
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Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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