I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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