he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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