If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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