You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize