Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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