you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
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