Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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