and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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