She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
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someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
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Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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