porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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