your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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