It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
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I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
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You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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