FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
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Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
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If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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