her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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