I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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