Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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