Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize