Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize