Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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