There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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