I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize