so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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