I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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