you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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