Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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