It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
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I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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