Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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