U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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