You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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