Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
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Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My bed smells like the plague
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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