Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize